No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
