It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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