Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
