i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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