I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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