i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
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