It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
