my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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