Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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