When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
