Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
