You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
