I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
