he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
