Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
