Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
