At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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