were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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