Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
