A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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