whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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