I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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