yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm getting married
To pizza
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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