she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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