I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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