My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize