i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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