my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
