I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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