I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize