I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
