Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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