Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
