Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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