Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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