Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
