so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
