my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
