You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
