Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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