she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize