she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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