cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
