i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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