I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
