for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
