C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
