omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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