I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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