We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
