Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
