All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
