he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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