The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
