Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
