wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
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