Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
