I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How does one acquire holy water?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
