im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
