I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
