White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
