no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was CRYING into my vagina
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
