Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
