Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
