So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
