gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
