Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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