i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
