Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
