If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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