everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I need to calm my uterus...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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