At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
