i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
