can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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