He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
