I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
no you cant smoke seaweed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
