he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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