Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Terrible idea I love it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
