ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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