Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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