My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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