Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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