The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
