He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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