A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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