Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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