i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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