Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
