Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
