Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
