So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
