i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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