He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
