i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
