her vagine was all disorganized.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
