You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize