I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
MIDGETS
????
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
